I have noticed this deficit in quite a few narcissists but haven’t read much about it. Their laughs tend to be fake, sounding like they are actually saying haha, heehee, hawhaw and such, rather than a peal of trilling laughter or a deep belly laugh. They also smile and repeat things like “Now, that’s funny” or “That is hysterical “ or “OMG, I have never laughed so hard” without ever actually laughing. I have been told many times that I have a great laugh by narcissists when I first met them (one even said he was jealous of it and wanted me to teach him “how” to laugh like that) And I tried, but it was hopeless. They are like skunks with their scent sacs removed.
I used to say hi to my neighbor as she was lying in a bikini poolside on sultry summer days. She was sultry. I helped take branches and leaves from her pool after a violent storm. When I was finished she asked “what do I owe. I jokingly said you pay me every time you sunbathe” she invited me in for a swim. I told her I fantasized about swimming with you. She demurred “me too” I got my bathing suit and jumped in. She said I’ll fulfill your fantasy, if you let me fulfill mine. She said “you firs” I got out of the pool and laid on my back and said now lay on top of me. She laughed and said we share the same fantasy as she left the pool, and sat on top of me. Heaven bound. I felt my fever grow. My body got warm then hot. She stood up and thanked me. I was laying in a puddle of urine
At age 20, I was driving home from work, extremely tired and suffering from jet lag after having returned from California late the night before. It was one of those days that starts out cold and heats up so I had a jacket on. I took my seatbelt off in order to remove my coat and being so tired, forgot to put it back on. My car has no A/C so the warmth made me extra tired. After the first light after getting off the highway, I fell asleep while driving. I rear-ended someone in front of me, causing her to go off the roads when her foot got jammed against the accelerator.
She hit a tree head on. I broke my windshield with my head and broke the dash with my knee. Some guy came running up to me, telling me to keep still, asking if I was alright. I just kept saying “I’m an idiot” over and over. I kept asking who I hit and how she was, never caring about myself. This man just kept consoling me, saying “It was just an accident, it’s ok.” He stayed with me, kneeling next to my open window, talking to me and never berating me for causing this accident. He stayed until the ambulance came. I was told later that the lady I hit was fine.
When I was 17 living in the Philippines, my family insisted that I had a maid because I was living alone. Unfortunately, she was younger than me. And being that I was a young teenager myself with no friends, we ended up becoming friends. I would help her cook, clean and do errands and in return she would be finished her duties quicker. Afterwards, she would come hang out with me and we would just be normal teenagers together – going to the mall, biking around the village, or just chatting about our lives.
Their lack of a sense of humor is really obvious when people are telling jokes. I was married to a covert narcissist who was quiet and self effacing in public and everyone thought he was the sweetest person on earth. UNTIL he tried to join in with a joke. He desperately wanted to be a part of the fun. It mattered so much to him to do this that he would overcome his shyness and dramatically announce that he “had” a joke. Everyone would expectantly wait for it. This quiet, sweet person would then say something so awfully crude, lewd, racist, inappropriate and disgusting that everyone within hearing would fall silent, stare at their feet and shamble away. I’m talking about jokes concerning menstrual blood, incest, rape and racism!!!