And so that sentiment kind of became a theme that my mom used to manipulate me as I got older. I continued in my persuit of sports and more outdoorsy activities, rather than home-based interests. I have never liked cooking, baking, cleaning, or typically housewife/homemaking types of activities. My mom would frequently make comments to me or about me, such as, if you don’t learn/do XYZ, you’ll never find someone to marry you,” or “how will you ever find a husband if you don’t like to cook/clean/iron, etc.? or I don’t have to worry about her getting married.” Maybe these are seemingly silly comments, but as a young teenager, I just believed her, and I believed that no boy or man would ever have any interest in me. I believed that if I didn’t cook, clean, and take care of a man then I had no value as a woman or couldnt be loved as a wife. So I was shocked and surprised when eventually guys were interested in me romantically, despite all of my shortcomings. And for a long time, I felt that I wasn’t worthy of men’s attention and affection, and that I could never be “wife material” to them. Sometimes I entered into or stayed in relationships with men because, how could I be so lucky to find someone willing to love me, when I have nothing to offer that a “good wife” offers her man? Who else would ever want me? I am married to a good man who loves me and my bad cooking and have kids of my own now, but I still fight these thoughts on a daily basis that I am not good enough to be a wife and a mother. Even when I got married, I remember my mom expressing how surprised she was that I was getting married, that I found a husband who would “put up” with me, etc. and I really have to fight the Ghost dungeon this is boo sheet shirt Additionally,I will love this feeling that I don’t deserve to have a good husband or deserve the wonderful life we live together. Also, my mother was very young- a teenager- when she had me, so I think growing up, I was treated as a refection of her, of her parenting skills- I was proof that, even though she was so young, she could do it. So my mom was strict, and I dare not ever get out of line. That, in itself, is not really a big deal- many kids have strict parents, and that’s ok. But my mom influenced my behavior through fear and shame.
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