That is why it is much easier on you if you combine the non chasing with blocking- then you don’t have to listen to the narc lying through his or her teeth, giving you all the reasons why you should still be around for the narc . Just as the narc manipulated you into loving him, he will now try to manipulate you into leaving the door ajar for him. This is one of the worst aspects of the disorder- even after they leave you they don’t let you go, or give you closure- a lot of the time they give you hints that this is temporary, a breathing space, and ask you to hang on for them. And if you do that once, they will do it again and again till you are crushed.
In 2018 I spent a couple of months on crutches, my foot encased in a solid plastic boot for support. On my way back from my physio appointments, I liked to stop at a coffee shop or McDonalds to get something to eat. As you can imagine, being on crutches meant I needed a bit more assistance from staff. Most of them understood this, but not this one lady at the coffee shop.
The various types of sandwich were kept in a customer-facing fridge. You picked it out, and if it was one that needed heating up you handed it over to the person taking your order. There wasn’t enough spare material in the packaging for me to hold it between my fingers and the crutch handle, so I told the woman on the tills which one I wanted, but “sorry, I can’t carry it over here”. She refused to go and fetch it, or ask a staff member nearby to do so. Eventually another customer intervened and passed it to her.
“Stop being lazy and carry your own drink to the table.” Yeah, that’s a brilliant thing to say with your manager in hearing range. The manager that’s now witnessed you refuse two reasonable accommodations to assist a (temporarily) disabled person. The manager that was already pulling the seat out at my usual table so I didn’t have to. She was already gone by the time I finished my drink and toastie, and the free piece of cake I got for dealing with her. She stormed out in a massive huff a few minutes after being told to go to the office.
My “sister” was upset because I got to a particular dish before she did and had the nerve to ask her to hand me a serving spoon to serve myself even though I was on crutches at the time. She fumed all of the way to the table. Erupting after I announced my intention to go to college starting in February. Then I put my baby, who’d finished eating, down in one of those rocking spinning toys. That’s when she exploded. Everything I did was wrong according to her and I shouldn’t be doing xyz (none of which I was doing), yelling all of it.
Please learn about the disorder so you can see why I say this, and why your escape is the only option if you want a happy life. Since every narc is the same, one book will do it. I always recommend Prepare to be Tortured (the price you will pay for dating a narcissist) . AB Jamieson, on Amazon. It is a good general guide and will tell you all you need to know, without psychobabble, and it covers narcs as friends and colleagues and relatives, which is useful – there are a lot about. It is also good on the red flags, so you can spot narcs in future and stay well away.